Having a beautiful marriage is more than finding the right partner. You can find the right partner, be in love, yet fail in marriage.
Have you ever wondered why people get a divorce? First, let’s take a look at the moment when both the bride and the groom stand at the altar before the priest saying their vows. What do you see? You find two love birds grinning from ear to ear, sometimes with tears of joy in their eyes telling themselves how lucky they are to have each other.
Nobody ever gets to this stage and thinks of divorce, it’s the last thing on their mind, even if the thought flashes, they quickly discard it, telling themselves it’s not possible. Every couple always see themselves as different from the rest, they have heard about divorce but they walk down the aisle telling themselves they are different.
So what happened? How do two people who are so in love, have great chemistry, have planned their lives suddenly get to a point where they can’t stand each other? What happened? For me, this is a tough question and I always wonder how so much love can suddenly turn into hatred. They had the love, they had the chemistry, so what was the problem? Your guess is as good as mine, neither love nor chemistry is strong enough to hold the bond of marriage.
May I say to you dear readers, you will need more than love and chemistry to have a beautiful marriage. Love is important, very important, but do not think it’s what makes a marriage stay bonded.
Marriage like any other relationship takes hard work, it needs commitment; the ability to stick through. Dr Garry chapman, author of the 5 love language says; there is something called the ‘being in love’ feeling. It is where you feel the emotions of love, sometimes we refer to it has having butterfly in your stomach, it’s when we can do nothing but think about the other person, this feeling of ‘being in love’ helps us reach out to the other person, we are empowered to do anything or sacrifice anything just to please the other person, but the truth is this ‘being in love feeling’ is not permanent, as a matter of fact, Dr Chapman believes it’s a phase in every relationship.
Many people in courtship or married do not see the need to educate themselves and garner relationship skills, simply because they are in love, what’s love got to do with it? Being in love does not teach you how to settle disputes, communicate, plan, have better finances, in fact you can be in love yet selfish, self centered and have destructive habits.
Are you in love? If yes, great, but don’t think that’s all you need to have a great union, you need to learn other skills that will strengthen your union, bring you both joy and make the union lasting.
This article was written Kunle Anwoju and he is the Director of Single 2 Married. Follow them on Twitter @skoolofmarriage
Image from www.billboard.com