Facebook and Twitter are very much here to stay the same way Okada and Keke Napep are here to stay. For those of you who still are wondering what the two names and are still on Hi5 you should probably navigate from this page and seek solace in an abandoned cave. Any business worth 5 Naira has a place you can “LIKE” them or an @handle you can mention them. It’s all a part of marketing their brand and getting their name on your fingertip. They post funny pictures with friends, videos of them out and about, statuses that either glorify their everyday lives or call attention to their activities. But when is it too much and you cross that fine white line of Too Much Information that will be a common street hooker cringe.

 

 

I was on Facebook one day and some of those random people you add because you have like 30 mutual friends posted a picture of himself in the crapper and I thought to myself “haba is this one not too much”

 

So I decided to make a list of things that would make you know you have crossed the line on Facebook or Twitter

 

Unnecessary Tagging of Photos: If I am not in a picture please do not tag me it just gives me false hope that someone took an amazing photo of me, only to find a picture of you in your 200 Naira market shades pouting *FAIL!!!*, it warrants a warning then if you put up all those random pictures of a naked obese person smiling you have definitely crossed the line and I will start a campaign to get you of Facebook for life because those pictures are not making anyone besides you happy.

 

Poking on Facebook: The name itself is overly offensive then when you keep doing it (keep your mind clean) it just gets annoying. If you think I have forgotten you kindly send an e-mail or buy 100 naira credit and call me, but please keep the poking to a minimum.

 

Gbagaun/Typos: There is a big difference between the two of them. The former occurs when a few nuts in the English speaking part of your brain are gradually rusting and you  keep saying things like I have saw you or It couldn’t has been you, but the latter Typo happens when your typing in an orgasmic frenzy and forget the difference between lol and lloz. So for those people who sit by their phone charger waiting fervently for some sad person to make a mistake please identify which one it is first before you release your toad crap on twitter. If you don’t follow the person don’t go and be follow bandwagon lest you be cursed in public.

 

Personal Spats/Fights With Significant Others. This always drives me crazy. You see two people going back and for on your Twitter public timeline and you think to yourself, “Can someone please pick up a phone and get off the Internet?” I know we live in a technology nation these days and no one under the age of 300 picks up a phone anymore, but goodness, if you’re gonna break up or lament how horribly he’s treating you, can you at least DM or Private message? We really don’t need to see that. And if you keep being so incredibly rude, you will get unfollowed…and deleted by well-meaning individuals.

 

Relationship Status: You are either in a relationship, single or widowed, married or engaged. Which one is complicated that is just a les shameful way of saying you are single, those of you who keep writing open relationship you people are just trifling stop deceiving yourself you are having a full blown affair. Then those of you that forget the internet is called the “World Wide Web “ for a reason and are accepting relationship request from 3 different people should just wait till your secrets to aired to the viewing public *pops corn*

 

PDA (Public Displays of Affection): I seriously think that something’s are for your bedroom and when you bring it for an audience that are less than willing to be involved in your love fest it makes people think you are either desperate or just ape crazy., When you and your significant other kiss in public congrats to you both but when the close come off and there is bodily fluids please and please don’t nobody care what the two of you are doing keep the PDA to PG13.

 

Bathroom Pictures: I am guilty of this travesty and proud of it the bathroom has perfect lighting and mirrors so you can couple yourself when you are definitely acting the fool in your pictures. So I won’t judge some people but I will judge those people that participate in those nude pictures and Guys with Iphones shots that just plain foolery at its best take note Soulja Boy. If you tweet a nude picture don’t go denying it you knew it was going to get out so why did you take the picture (take note Blake In Denial Lively)

 

Location Info: Some people on my TL constantly tell people were they are at every moment and I’m like if some perv is following you and comes to rape you wahala will burst but you will tweet KFC chilling, Silverbird hanging out with the girls, well let me tell you the pervs, pedophiles and stalkers also have friends that they can bring around so pleases keep all the info to yourself.

 

What it comes down to is these sites are all public keep your revelations to a minimum before you become persona non grata

 

Article by Nnamdi Omesiete

Image from: Bestrank.com

8 comments

  1. The most offensive thing about this sorry excuse of a write up is the fact that it was written in the first place. Alot of this self serving, self righteous, judgemental piece of opinionated garbage should be forwarded only to those whom you gave brand new blackberry phones or Laptops or any good 3G phones and not to those who bought their devices themselves and are paying for them to be powered. What’s more, you can open up your own social networking site and preside over it like the hypocritical Pharisee you sound like and stop playing Guardian Angel over the one another person founded. If you don’t like what certain people are doing, by all means delete them from your contacts list but to come out in public and air your views like they are a Creed to be solemnly followed is out right *#*#####. Its okay to take pictures in a bathroom cos you’re guilty of it but its not okay to post your Location cos you “Mr Pharisee” don’t like it. Do you even know who/what a Pedophile is? And can you really start a personal campaign to get someone off face book? Really? Are you that important, influential or powerful? No pun intended there, I just truely want to know how you, a writer of such dismal nonsense could pull off such a feat. I think several personal campaigns should be launched against people like you cos you are showing signs of being some freakish dictator (LHM on those around you). Have respect for the phrase “freedom of expression” and let people do what they would as long as it isn’t against the Law (I mean the real law not your pharisee law). Are some people’s idea of fun going to wound the sensibilities of others? Of course, that’s why the smart founders of such sites left the choice of accepting or deleting certain contacts in your hands.
    I won’t even blame you, its Banky.W I blame for starting this whole kind of “do’s and donts” kind of crap. I hope I never get forwarded this sort of idiotic penmanship being passed off as an article ever again. Word of advice, its truely in bad taste to diss another person’s belonging because of the price. People of class keep such opinions to themselves (if they even think them at all). I doubt you have a good pair of sunglasses your own self.

  2. Oh dear MdG, I do think d writer has only said what a lot of people think but don’t say. At leaste he was honest about his own offence and was a bit preachy about it, but you can’t tell me that u haven’t been tagged in some useless fb pic that has nothing to do with you and all d comments that follow only succeed in killing ur battery.

  3. Really MDG u seem pissed. He was plainly statin the obvious and if you don’t like it frankly you could have moved on all this yammering you did just made it seem like you were guilty of all othe above

  4. Haba if you didn’ like the article you do what smart people do and leave the page to a place of better penmanship. If body dey scratch u my dear you could have written an article of your own instead of yammering like a little heffer.

  5. OMG!!! Am I really back 2 dis page again? Who even sent me this stuff and why does it keep opening up on my browser?
    @ L.R: you have a point there. It can get real annoying when you’re tagged unnecessarily. Esp when U start receiving notifications like ” XYZ commented on a photo of you”.

    @S.E: yea U should have done what even smarter people would do as well and ignored d “yammerings of a lil heffer”. Well,I guess ur one of those tatafo people who won’t ever want to miss any gist.Amebo (winks)
    @Timi: pissed is an understatement. In d end aren’t we all going around in circles? When all U had to do was ignore my yammerings,you decided to address it. This exactly was my point…..”U don’t like it,move on”. I guess its d way of man to always state what they do as being acceptable n what they don’t like as being unacceptable.

  6. Its obvious whoever wrote it just wrote it for fun and didn’t for it to be taking so seriosly so all of you need to tone down on sniping. Its just an article from wat I know some people read it and laughed and frowned at some but really to take all this personal and be takin jibes at the whoever wrote it is just low. Get of your high horse and sit somewere jor.

  7. While I do understand the grievances of this writer, the content could have been passed on with less judgement and frankly speaking without heavy bias. If you’re one of those people who gets tagged unnecessarily, then my apologies, we’re not all victims.
    @ M’d’G while under the umbrella of “freedom of speech” please allow others to maintain their rights without poking jabs at them. p.s this is me ignoring your “yammerings.” Some things cane be handled easily.

  8. “pharisee”….pretty strong words coming from a chap whose epistle basically proved the writer’s point, pipe down an express yourself without coming across as a bipolar fellow..
    Cheers!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*
*