Facebook and Twitter are very much here to stay the same way Okada and Keke Napep are here to stay. For those of you who still are wondering what the two names and are still on Hi5 you should probably navigate from this page and seek solace in an abandoned cave. Any business worth 5 Naira has a place you can “LIKE” them or an @handle you can mention them. It’s all a part of marketing their brand and getting their name on your fingertip. They post funny pictures with friends, videos of them out and about, statuses that either glorify their everyday lives or call attention to their activities. But when is it too much and you cross that fine white line of Too Much Information that will be a common street hooker cringe.
I was on Facebook one day and some of those random people you add because you have like 30 mutual friends posted a picture of himself in the crapper and I thought to myself “haba is this one not too much”
So I decided to make a list of things that would make you know you have crossed the line on Facebook or Twitter
Unnecessary Tagging of Photos: If I am not in a picture please do not tag me it just gives me false hope that someone took an amazing photo of me, only to find a picture of you in your 200 Naira market shades pouting *FAIL!!!*, it warrants a warning then if you put up all those random pictures of a naked obese person smiling you have definitely crossed the line and I will start a campaign to get you of Facebook for life because those pictures are not making anyone besides you happy.
Poking on Facebook: The name itself is overly offensive then when you keep doing it (keep your mind clean) it just gets annoying. If you think I have forgotten you kindly send an e-mail or buy 100 naira credit and call me, but please keep the poking to a minimum.
Gbagaun/Typos: There is a big difference between the two of them. The former occurs when a few nuts in the English speaking part of your brain are gradually rusting and you keep saying things like I have saw you or It couldn’t has been you, but the latter Typo happens when your typing in an orgasmic frenzy and forget the difference between lol and lloz. So for those people who sit by their phone charger waiting fervently for some sad person to make a mistake please identify which one it is first before you release your toad crap on twitter. If you don’t follow the person don’t go and be follow bandwagon lest you be cursed in public.
Personal Spats/Fights With Significant Others. This always drives me crazy. You see two people going back and for on your Twitter public timeline and you think to yourself, “Can someone please pick up a phone and get off the Internet?” I know we live in a technology nation these days and no one under the age of 300 picks up a phone anymore, but goodness, if you’re gonna break up or lament how horribly he’s treating you, can you at least DM or Private message? We really don’t need to see that. And if you keep being so incredibly rude, you will get unfollowed…and deleted by well-meaning individuals.
Relationship Status: You are either in a relationship, single or widowed, married or engaged. Which one is complicated that is just a les shameful way of saying you are single, those of you who keep writing open relationship you people are just trifling stop deceiving yourself you are having a full blown affair. Then those of you that forget the internet is called the “World Wide Web “ for a reason and are accepting relationship request from 3 different people should just wait till your secrets to aired to the viewing public *pops corn*
PDA (Public Displays of Affection): I seriously think that something’s are for your bedroom and when you bring it for an audience that are less than willing to be involved in your love fest it makes people think you are either desperate or just ape crazy., When you and your significant other kiss in public congrats to you both but when the close come off and there is bodily fluids please and please don’t nobody care what the two of you are doing keep the PDA to PG13.
Bathroom Pictures: I am guilty of this travesty and proud of it the bathroom has perfect lighting and mirrors so you can couple yourself when you are definitely acting the fool in your pictures. So I won’t judge some people but I will judge those people that participate in those nude pictures and Guys with Iphones shots that just plain foolery at its best take note Soulja Boy. If you tweet a nude picture don’t go denying it you knew it was going to get out so why did you take the picture (take note Blake In Denial Lively)
Location Info: Some people on my TL constantly tell people were they are at every moment and I’m like if some perv is following you and comes to rape you wahala will burst but you will tweet KFC chilling, Silverbird hanging out with the girls, well let me tell you the pervs, pedophiles and stalkers also have friends that they can bring around so pleases keep all the info to yourself.
What it comes down to is these sites are all public keep your revelations to a minimum before you become persona non grata
Article by Nnamdi Omesiete
Image from: Bestrank.com