Hello ladies! In the past year a number of my female friends have either gotten married, engaged or committed to a serious relationship and so I felt like I had to write something about marriage. Marriage is a commitment or promise of a lifetime, it is a beautiful institution; the wedding’s the easy part. When two people go into a marriage, they trade the “I”s for “US” and they become a part of another person – all of that person. So my question is “do you know what you’re marrying into?”
The late Pastor Bimbo Odukoya said “courtship time is interview time.” Courtship goes beyond dating because you enter into courtship with someone you intend on marrying; when marriage is realistically a possibility for you. The time of courtship is critical because you become aware of things that you may not otherwise have been tuned to. Intimacy develops (and I don’t mean physical) and you begin to share things with one another. Then you ask the question “who am I marrying?” My father always used to say “be careful the house you’re marrying into”; you can tell a lot about a person by their family.
I’ve heard some guys say things like “I don’t think I want to be a father, I think I’ll make a terrible dad” or “if a woman every said that, I’ll beat it out of her” and I think to myself Uh-oh! Are there signs that you are closing your eyes to? A guy tells you his granddaddy had a drinking problem, his daddy has a drinking problem and now he’s got a drinking problem…Lady, what else do you need? You are not Jesus, only Jesus can save. I have a guy friend; he’s successful and he’s got a big heart; he is what many women would be looking for except for one little detail. For some reason that he can’t figure out he loves women but can’t commit to one, whenever he gets too comfortable in one relationship he finds an excuse to opt out of it. The sad thing is he can’t seem to understand why, so he and I had a long conversation. As it turns out, his father was a womanizer and although he told himself he’d never be like his father, he was starting to become the very person he said he’d never be.
In the grand scheme of things when you marry a man, you marry his family too. If a guy tells you he’s estranged from his family, trust me you want to know why. It’s the things that we don’t talk about that end up destroying us. Know him, know his family. If there are things that are greater than you, take them to the one who is greater than all. Do not try to figure things out as they go or wait to cross that bridge when you get there, some things cannot be delayed.
For all you women who have found the bone of your bones, I wish you well. For the women I the waiting, I wish you well also; there’s joy in the waiting. 😉
By Tobi Ibukun Jaiyeola