So erm basically, I have been observing myself and stuff, trying to make sure I’m on the right track spiritually etc, and I noticed something(s). I feel I am more real with my family and friends than I am with others. I know some of you are thinking ‘duh’, lol, but what I mean may not be exactly what you think.
It’s like in my family for example, if someone upsets me or something, I am more likely to be upset or show more anger towards them than I am likely to show towards others. Personally, this is probably due to the fact that I am more cautious when I am with others, but it is not the case of pretending to them.
I thought about it more and more, and remembered the saying that goes a little something like this ‘your true colours show when you’re under pressure’. Now personally, I think I do ok while under pressure, but what I want to touch on is something that has been pinching me of recent. Honestly, I feel like who I am truly, is who I present to my family and close friends. I feel that when the godliness in me is ‘perfected’ around my family and friends, then I am truly that ‘perfection’, and then my behaviour to others is ‘me’. I’m not sure if you understand what I mean.
Like I feel it is hard being a Christian in your own home sometimes, and I think it’s due to the ‘closeness’ you have with the family perhaps? Right now I’m feeling if I can handle certain things, then I am well off, lol. Even with friends too. It’s easy to give a stranger money, but when it comes to a friend, questions start to pop up in your head…well in my head.
Also, lol, this is a bit funny. But let’s say you’re eating a nice piece of steak, and a beggar or something asks for some, personally I will give them. But if it’s a friend of mine….. O_o…… I would be like ‘hell no!’. I’m not even talking about a friend messing around; I’m talking about if the friend sincerely wants some of the steak.
What I really want is for there to be no favouritism, partiality in my life! I just want to do to others what I can equally, and just let it flow out of the Holy Spirit in me! This would be solved through prayer and trusting the Lord, and also renewing the mind, worshipping Him, etc. it is well anyway because I am a work in progress, and I can only get higher.