If you had told me a week ago that I will be sitting in a therapist office, I would have laughed like Courtney Love when she is high but yes, I am sitting across Mr. Aboderin right now and I haven’t said a word. The truth is I am not sure I should be here. I don’t think I have issues.

Hmmm

I definitely have issues.

I was out the other night at Club Ravers. I had a long day and all I wanted to do was just relax. So this guy walks up to me with eyes that glisten like the ocean and the next thing I wake up beside him in his house in Mushin. Yes. Mushin. So as I took my walk of shame out of the house he shares with 3 other smelly guys, I said a small prayer. I told God to change me. I told him to help me. And you know what He said? He said “Girl help yourself!”. Actually he didn’t say that. I just heard that in my head.

So here I am. Taking a step in the right direction. I am seeing a therapist. I chose Mr. Aboderin cause word on the street is he is a Pastor at a small Church. I need a Pastor therapist. I want to hear the truth for once.

“Sade…” Mr. Aboderin’s voice rough me back to the present

“Sir..”

“You can call me Bode”

“Really? Cause I know how you pastor types are when it comes to respect and titles” I told him. I mean in my family church, we called our pastor, His Mighty Holiness.

“Bode will do just fine”

“OK Bode. I am a flirt and I need help”

“Hmmm. Interesting. So how long have you been a flirt” He said as he scribbled something on his notepad. What was he scribbling? I haven’t even said anything yet.

“Well, I have only known for a day”

“Really?” Now he was looking directly at me. It was like his eyes were looking into my soul.

When did i become a flirt? Was it after Akin broke up with me. No. I don’t think so. Was it after the time Chike and I used to play Daddy and Mommy when we were kids. Maybe. Was it when Uncle Wale kissed me passionately and used to have me feel his private parts when I was 7.  Oh snap! I sound like those pathetic ladies on Oprah!

“I don’t know” I replied.

“OK. fair enough. So why do you think you are a flirt?”

“Well…” I wanted to talk but the words didn’t want to come out. Tears were stinging my eyes already.

“I am sorry for wasting your time. I think this was a mistake” I grabbed my purse and stood up.

“You can talk to me Sade. You have to face your fears sooner or later” He said

“Look sir. I am not one of those sad cases you read about in your “Therapy Today” newsletter. I have my life together. I am a successful career lady and I have my s*** together! Coming here was me acting like a drama queen that I am. I am sorry for wasting your time” I started towards the door.

“I’ll have my secretary give you a refund then” He said

Who the heck is this dude?

“Excuse me?” I turned around to face him

“Well, it seems you just realized that you wasted your time driving all the way in the Lagos traffic to see me. I don’t want you to feel like you wasted your money too so I’ll just refund your money back”

“There is plenty of money where that came from. Keep it. You need to redecorate”

“Thank you then. I’ll take your advice. I mean you are the one that has it together remember?’ He smiled and all I felt like doing was kicking his ass.

“I don’t need this from you. Goodbye” I walked out of his office and slammed the door as he yelled “see you soon”.

Did I really waste my time driving all the way from Ikoyi to Surulere? Whatever. I feel lonely. Need to call someone.

It was only as I was about to dial “Francis Cinemas” that I realized… I NEED HELP!!!

Watch out for the next installment.

Image from: presentermedia.com

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