I say blessed are those who have never known unrequited love. You have saved yourself from unnecessary pain and future embarrassment. You don’t have to spend time writing poems that will never be read, stalking someone online or wasting countless hours and annoying countless people trying to interpret WHY he actually waved at you today. I know, unrequited love can go from interestingto insane.
But I won’t, at more gruelling length, try to describe what unrequited love is. It is simply this: You love someone, that someone doesn’t love you back. Period. Or in most cases, that someone has STOPPED loving you back.
It is painful, and we all want to get over it. If it was that easy , there would be no more Facebook statuses implied with such theme, thus, this article would not exist. BUT, getting over it is a pain on its own so sometimes, we juggle between the ache of unrequited love and the ache of trying to forget about it. From the perspective of someone who has grown out of it, it really is a funny experience. (Of course, humor only emerges after the ‘rubble’ is cleared, or well, when one’s heart has finally found a home *wink*)
So really, how do we get over UNREQUITED LOVE:[By the way, let us limit the definition of unrequited love to:
a) You have intense romantic feelings toward a friend and he CLEARLY doesn’t have any for you
b) You have intense romantic feelings toward a friend and he MAYBE has something for you but YOU are NOT SO SURE. He confuses you.
c) You STILL have romantic (notice I removed intense) feelings toward the one you just broke up with.
If you don’t belong to A B or C, or if you intensely like someone but you are non-existent to him,this one is not for you.]
I believe friends are a great factor but they can only help you as far as you let them. The process begins with you.
- Decide to choose your DAY ONE. There should be that defining moment when you tell yourself IT HAS TO STOP. Sometimes, circumstances usher us to this moment (like if you find out he is in love with someone else) but it still has to be YOU who will decide to start getting over that person. Once you picked the day, mark it off on your calendar, write it on your journal or have it tattooed on the back of your hand. Ha!! No, tattoos have no expiration date; broken hearts do.
- Give yourself ample amount of time to cry. Cry as often as you want to. But, when you do, put in mind that this is just part of the process. That is why it is important that you choose your DAY ONE. Remind yourself that you cry because you are trying to get over something or someone. Usually, we cry because we are sad or in pain. But most times, I discovered, I cried without really knowing why. So everytime you cry, try to process in your mind the REASON why you do and remind yourself, it is part of the process. I guarantee you, the exercise ofConcious Crying will cut your crying time in half.
- Understand the “Wound” Principle. I am no doctor but this is what I understand about wounds; As long as it hurts, it means your anti-bodies are fighting. You can speed up healing but it won’t happen in a second. You will get over, it just won’t happen that fast. There will be times when you will be frustrated with yourself. One day you think you are completely over that person, the next day, the pain comes back to you like an unwanted visitor. Remember, the pain won’t go away unless it is completely healed. So, take heart and endure the pain. Anyway, it will soon be over. It will.
- Feed your mind. The battlefield is the mind. Yes, tell me about what your heart feels. But the heart only feels what the mind tells it to. When you remind yourself of hurtful things, you end up hurting. Choose to feed yourself with the infallible, unchanging Word of God. Not only does it comfort you, it reveals so many of God’s plans for you that you might have missed out. Try Philippians 4:4-7 for a start.
- Document your journey. I think the best thing you can get out of a failed relationship (or in other cases, the failure of being in a relationship), is a good lesson. The next best thing is a good laugh. Keep mementos – keep the first paper cup of your first coffee alone, write on your journal, cut and color your hair then take your picture. Record a song, travel somewhere far, binge for months then take your picture. Enrol in a gym class, run in marathons, tweet about losing weight …then post your picture. You have just turned the embarrassing into entertainment.
So far, these four worked for me. Except of course the ‘Enrol in a gym class, run in marathons, tweet about losing weight then post your picture’ part. But surely, I have turned the embarrassing into entertainment. In fact, I bagged a speech trophy because my status was reverted to: single.
Our God turns sorrows into joy. He has no plans to let you wade in moroseness. So, if this unrequited love of yours in making you gloomy, it’s time to decide to make today your day ONE.
It might surprise you; you will not just GET OVER, you will GROW UP!!!
And oh, once you have that picture, tweet it, I’m @venusSpeaks.
by Jabez Oberes
Image from: http://brownsharpie.courtneygibbons.org