In an era were apples are no longer fruits and wearing Bata sandals is seen as a disgrace to your ancestors, the Mean Girls are in 3D or your mother, sister or aunty not being in Thisday Style is a social taboo.

There is definitely a root to all this awesome fakeness and obsession with the entertainment world  and I blame our childhood obsession with cartoons as children.

Last week I was browsing idly through my Facebook page and saw a group I had joined eons ago called Disney gave me Unrealistic Expectations on Love and I was in fits of laughter when it struck me that I too had unrealistic expectations on love.

Gone are the days when I used to think a heiress like Paris Hilton or in my case one of Dangote’s daughters would see me on the street in my peasant regalia and fall in love with me or that all boys grow up having massive chests like Hercules, be able to lift rocks and defeat nine headed monsters with a sword or that mermaids and singing fish and a lobster did actually exist and the worst of all that I could break out in song mid-stride on the street and people wouldn’t think I was a demented mad man ready to be sent to Yaba Left.

Yes those where the expectations I had when I was younger all because Disney kept  me thinking life was all hunky dory and the dreaded “one” was out there waiting for to fit her with the glass slipper she left at my Mother’s Owambe while trying to filch the Grilled fish.

In the real world there are no Hydra’s wanting to be killed in their place we have Keke Napep’s and Okada that will never go away no matter how many legislations are passed, the damsels in distress almost never say thank you after you rescue them from some haphazard event instead they tell you how foolish all men are and wish they could become lesbians if not for what the community would do to them, Beasts never become dashing men with impeccable taste in suits and furniture, they just deteriorate from insults from the Belle’s they were supposed to marry and yes singing on top of your voice in front of girl friend would make you look like a person in need of psychological help because all she need is for you to pay her Blackberry access charge quick instead you bore with long walks on the beach and your croaky voice.

This is not a jab at the ladies alone, the guys to don’t have the bulging pectorals you wished for instead you end up with unending morning breath and an ever expanding waist line. He made you believe that it was Happily forever after and not too long after you gained a few pounds he moved on to his secretary who looks more like Cruella De Ville that Ariel and when he doesn’t stay with you like Hercules did with Megara don’t be too shocked because this is reality.

Some people may say haba this your own tough love tough “gan” abi are you a sadist? No I answer you in all modesty, I just live in a reality of air kisses and backstabbing and not the fake one of flying carpets and annoying genies.

This article was writtten by Nnamdi Omesiete. He currently blogs at http://chatterfromaboredmind.blogspot.com/

5 comments

  1. Lol! The one that hurts me the most is: my hair will never be as long as Repunzel, neither would my waist line be like Cinderella’s and I still can’t find my price charming with plenty gold and money to spend!

  2. Lol! The one that hurts me the most is: my hair will never be as long as Repunzel, neither would my waist line be like Cinderella’s and I still can’t find my prince charming with plenty gold and money to spend!

  3. I saw a tiny rat in my house one day & thought ill just leave rags & thread outside for it. If I didn’t have a ball gown for my sister, I’d poison the idiot….

  4. lol!!!!! lwkmd!!! disney is jst entertainment to me, sumtin to make me feel beta after a long hard day.cinderella stories and toothfairies and on and on thats all fiction if it were real, i’ll sing a few notes and call all the birds to do all my housework…

  5. I for one, think that its a sweet slap of relality cause life is a whole lot more than ball room gowns and fairy god mothers. We need this slice of reality from time to time

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