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iWrite: On Situationships… by Ijeuru Metu

by Yada MagazineOctober 2, 2014

I was supposed to be doing really serious stuff when this came apouring.
I found it totally /absolutely /excruciatingly hilarious that I dumped priority to share this.

You know what a situationship is, right?

You don’t??!

Why??

And I don’t even know how best to put it without sounding offensive. Damn that person who said if you can’t explain a subject clearly to a 3year old, then you don’t really know the subject.

Anyways, my excuse is that I didn’t come here to define things.

I came to share a picture that was painted in my head, a scenario that had me LOLing to myself (yes, LOLing is a legit word now)

You know there are people who are afraid to put labels on stuff; define what is and what isn’t, for fear of overthinking things and misunderstanding things and getting disappointed /rejected or because they feel it’s too awkward /late to bother.

Situationships

So,  say Boy A and Girl B are in a situationship, not a relationship, because neither can remember getting verbally asked out. So they are shifty around the B word (boyfriend here) and G word (Girlfriend too), (I’m not saying that there has to be a verbal asking, but I’m sure you knew that), so they settle for “mainest” , “nigga” , “MVP”, “bae” and whatever else can qualify the person, Mark territory and not  appear too assumptious .

So A and B are informally dating. And possibly cohabiting from time to time while maintaining their separate apartments. Everybody assumes they are dating or at least friends with benefit but that’s really none of their business (Hi Kermit)

Kermit

So say one day, A surprises B with a lovely ring and some lovely lilies (he remembers how much B thinks roses are too mainstream) and an accompanying note saying how much B’s “friendship” means to him and he was willing to give her the world, even if it killed him. So, it’s a lovely ring and an expensive one too. But B can’t discern if she had just gotten a proposal because

1. It was delivered by courier
2. There was no mention of tomorrow, or even the next hour!
3. There wasn’t even a question asked!!!

B chuckles and calls her girlfriends (that don’t really understand her circumstance but support her anyway, for sanitys sake) and narrates her recent gifting to them. They conclude it’s just a promise ring or something, that A is slyly laying claims on B and doesn’t want to jump the gun and come all out. They agree, however, that B should call A, acknowledge receipt of gifts with feigned indifference. Overt excitement may be a shot to her foot. But ASAP, she must have a talk with A and insist on clarification and a label on their relationship.

(at this point I’m sure you are getting a picture of what a situationship is)

Girl B; coward that she is starts to sport the ring and chickens out of the confrontation.  To acquaintances, Boy A and Girl B have an amazing romance. To friends, they are probably the most confused people who walked the earth.  To me, nobody’s perfect bae.

Getting into Boy A’s game, total fresh baby boy living his life. Happy go lucky to a fault. Takes for granted that some details are very important to a woman (not everytime tell her, you are beautiful, sometimes “do you want to marry me?”) and thinks the world of surprises. He thought his informal proposal was very original but his friends thought he was being foolish. But Girl B was wearing the ring without any accompanying drama, so everyone chilled. Boy A never intended to propose, he just thought it would be really pretty if she was wearing “his” ring, and his friends worried that she may read it as a proposal, but Girl B said nothing, so they did nothing.

End of Boy A and Girl B.

Because I don’t know how much longer they can carry on with this madness. How long before Girl B brings up wedding plans and permanent housing arrangements and KIDS??!!!

And in total Boy A fashion, he probably thinks he can buy Girl B a fancy dress and ask her to meet him some place and it would turn out to be in front of a priest or a member of the notary public, and they would exchange marital vows and become married? Now, that would take the cake on awesome surprises, except that I think a church wedding requires marriage classes, the court wedding sounds more probable.
Anyway, the situationship took a toll on me. If you are in an unlabelled relationship, I think you should overcome whatever it is that is your fear, and preventing you from labelling the jar. Situationships don’t always have a happy ending. What if all your fears are confirmed and your partner introduces you to another as a Bestie and the stranger as a new boy/girlfriend (cry me a river, or load me a shotgun)

So, I thought that was funny and that I’d share.

xoxo,
Jemjem

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